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A little frustrated and needing to vent...

 So, when I first got engaged, I asked one of my closest guy friends to stand on my side with me.  It was REALLY important to me that he be able to be there, because he's very important to me, was my roomate for awhile, and is just someone I really care about.  From the get-go, he was kind of...uninterested in any wedding stuff when I would talk to him about it.  No big deal really, I am doing most of the planning on my own...but I kind of got an off feeling about all of it.

About a month and a half ago, he told me he wasn't going to make it to the wedding.  Which is the end of next month.  He had apparently not been able to get the time off from work...which bugs me, since he knew about the wedding for nearly a year.  2 1/2 months out and he had to cancel...upsetting and frustrating, but hey, in this economy, I don't begrudge anyone having to struggle to keep their job.  HIs excuse was one of his co-workers is going out of town for several months, and they can't spare him for a few days.

We're both part of a global Role playing organization, and we have conventions several times a year.  There just happens to be one the weekend after my wedding (planned after my wedding - not my fault, honest!)  Several of our friends who SWORE up and down they would be at the wedding are forgoing it for the convention (sometimes I think it is time to rethink my friends.)  Today, on an e-mail list, he made a comment about seeing friends at this con, the weekend after my wedding...

I kind of had a sneaking suspicion this was going to be the case.  He would ditch out on my wedding to go to a gaming convention.  But it still hurts my feelings...people who were friends who were supposed to be there, oh well...I can live.  But he was supposed to be my attendant, and he was supposed to be there for me.  I guess I'm not really mad at him, perse...It's just frustrating when sharing something big with me is less important then a weekend of drinking and debauchery.  Is that horribly bridezilla of me?

I don't know what to do at this point.  Do I confront him now and talk to him about it, or wait until after the wedding when I am less likely to get all crazy on his ass?  It doesn't matter what I say, he won't be there, and I don't want to guilt him into something he obviously doesn't want to do.  Or, I suppose I could just leave it as it is and try to not think about it...but, I'm a dweller, there will be no closure for me unless I go get it.

Argh!  So frustrated!


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 28th, 2009 01:42 pm (UTC)
I wouldn't say that you should guilt him into coming...if he doesn't want to come, he doesn't want to come and *he's* not the guy you are marrying. As long as the groom comes, then you'll be great. But at the same time, of course that is shitty of the guy and your friends and I think you should totally tell them how you feel. Your guy friend should have been honest with you to begin with. I totally get what you mean about being a dweller, (I'm a dweller too), but you may have to let it go. Hopefully on your special day you will have close family and other loving friends to share in your joy.
Apr. 25th, 2010 04:37 pm (UTC)
I am so sorry. I can't imagine how hurt I'd be if one of the people I actually asked to be in my wedding party was so cavalier about it.

If you feel like you'll flip out on your friend by addressing it before the wedding, I'd wait. But you would be well within your rights to let him know how much it hurt you that he ultimately chose not to be there for you on one of the most important days of your life.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )


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